This is the Part 2 of my post Lil Bit More Skills. This was a little hard to write, as it’s very personal and delves into to some not-so-great feelings. But I felt it was important to share, since I know many of us feel similar things at some point in life. Often simply being able to relate to someone going through the same thing can instantly make you feel a little bit better, and I hope this post has the power to do so.
3. Get Back to Me
It sounds a bit cliche, but after living in Los Angeles for 4 1/2 years, I feel like I’ve lost myself and a huge chunk of my self esteem. I’ve known what I’ve wanted to do since I was 13 years old (be an actor), not only did I know, but I passionately pursued this career with an unwavering determination. Which, lucky for me, proved to be fruitful and continued to be so throughout college. Without thinking I was the best and had no room for improvement, I still had confidence and believed in my abilities. Without thinking I was gorgeous, I knew I was attractive. I did not feel inadequate.
I’m not sure when it happened exactly, but LA changed all of that. It was not only the lack of performing, but the complete lack of auditions that made me question my abilities and my choices. It was not fitting into a particular beauty mold that suddenly had me criticizing everything about myself. I had never felt bad about myself when I saw celebrities in movies or magazines, but when you are completely immersed into so much of that superficial nonsense, it’s hard not to feel bad about yourself. It’s hard not to lose yourself.
Well, there’s only so much of that you can take, and I needed a break from it. I happily moved to Portland for that break, and I plan to use this transitional time for new beginnings. While I’m working on the self improvement and skills mentioned in Part 1 of this post, I will also be working on health, beauty, and fitness. For extra confidence boosts, I will be trying out various makeup and hair tutorials, diy treatments, fitness plans, and basically anything I find on the oh-so-addictive Pinterest. They may be wrought with trial and error in the beginning, but hopefully you’ll stick around to see me master new techniques!